Love Lost Read online

  "I love you too hurry home, I miss you."

  "Okay I will," he says as he hangs up the phone.

  I hear loud knocks on the front door. I slowly and painfully get up to let my unwanted guest in. When I open the door I’m surprised to see my sister Missy standing there instead of my mother.

  "Hey sis, I figured we needed a well over due talk," Missy says as she steps through the doorway.

  Star

  It’s been one week since I last saw Ashley at the Garlic Butter restaurant with a belly the size of Texas. Ever since that day I have spent my days following her around and staking out her house. I was even at her wedding reception by the time I arrived everyone was drunk and falling over each other, no one even noticed me. Ashley was very beautiful that day; I was shocked at the expensive wedding dress. The venue was also nice it was decorated with white roses and silver fabric flowed from the walls. The room was lit with candles on all the tables and white lights in the background.

  I pull up to Ashley’s house just in time to see her open the door for her sister Missy. Using the street smarts I learned from Mookie, I put wires throughout Ashley’s house so I can listen in on her conversation. Pulling the earphones over my head, I slid back in the driver seat of the car while turning the volume up.

  "Okay Missy what did you wanna talk about," I hear Ashley say.

  "Ashley momma told me what happened between you and Star."

  "Where have you been, you left those boys for momma to look after for months now. We call you and there is no answer. All of a sudden you can’t be found, where the fuck you been at?"

  "Ash, that’s not what I’m here for," I hear Missy plead.

  "Well then for what?"

  "I wanna call a truce, I’m sick of fighting and arguing. I just want to be sisters again, not each other’s worst enemy."

  "Where have you been for the last couple of months," Ashley asks angrily. I shift my position in the seat to get a little more comfortable. I take a quick sip of my soda and turn my attention back to the conversation.

  "Psychiatric ward, I was feeling really depressed and lost," Missy answers. Whoa, this conversation is going somewhere now.

  "Why didn’t you tell anyone," Ashley asks.

  "Because you guys would have judged me like you always do. Y’all act like I don’t realize my own mistakes."

  "Sorry," Ashley apologizes in a softer tone.

  "Well that is the past I’m over it now, back to why I’m over here. Look Ash I have turned over a new lease and I wanna be sisters again. I should have been there for you when you needed support from what that bitch Star did to you."

  I’m in shock at Missy’s statement, why is everyone acting like I’m the only one who was a part of that incident. Marcus slept with me and I didn’t have to force him.

  "She was my best friend, and I shared everything with her," I hear Ashley confide.

  "That’s okay I slit Marcus’ and his momma’s tires for you before I came over," Missy tells her.

  "I understand why you slit Marcus’ tires but why his momma’s?"

  "Because she raised his ass wrong if she would’ve done her job right then he wouldn’t be trifling."

  I hear them both laughing at Missy’s remark but I find it trouble for me. As soon as Marcus sees his slit tires, he’ll want to make me suffer for it.

  "Is the baby your carrying his," I hear Missy ask. This is what I’ve been waiting for, information on this bastard of a child.

  "Yes, I’m not trying to hide it from anyone and I wasn’t trying to keep it from him. You know I seen him at the Garlic Butter restaurant and he saw me and didn’t say anything."

  "Did he see that you’re pregnant?"

  "Yup, and his slut was with him."

  "Are you okay, you don’t look to good?"

  "I have been in pain all day and…"

  "What is that wet stuff dripping on the couch," Missy screams.

  "My water broke; I have to go to the hospital now."

  "Okay, ill drive you; where is your overnight bag? And I’ll call Mom and tell her to call Derrick so they can meet us at the hospital."

  I pull off the head phones and sent a text to Marcus letting him know what’s going on. I start my car up and drive off. Rain starts to pour from the skies and flow down my windshield making it tough to see. I come to a stop light but my car doesn’t stop and skids right into the intersection; I smash into another car driving at a full speed.

  Ashley

  I wake up to a room full of family and friends, crowding around my beautiful baby boy. Warm tears start to fill my eyes and blood is pumping fast throughout my body. I look to my mother who is also crying and filled with joy. My son, Derrick Jr., looks exactly like his father. I want to forget his face but here it is staring at me. Marcus’ blood runs through DJ's veins like a raging river. The only plus is Derrick senior will help me raise him instead of Marcus.

  "Mom give me my baby, please and thank you. You’re hogging all the love," I say with a laugh.

  She responds with a laugh and proceeds to say, "Here you go, little one your mommy wants to steal you away. Looking just like her in every way."

  "Yes she does in every possible way,” I say proudly.

  “How in the world did you have twins?" Missy questions me.

  "Missy don't question God's work," my mother counters before I could answer the question.

  "I was only asking a question. Let her answer for once in your life, she don't need a publicist,” Missy responds while rolling her eyes.

  "Girl I don't know who the..."

  "I don't know how it happened or even how to feel about it, but I'm just going to take it day by day." I cut mama off before she could say anything that might be harmful.

  I take my daughter from my mother and look deep into her hazel eyes. Warmth feels my body and my heart smiles. My love for her brings up old feelings that I choose not to deal with; I loved the twins’ father for years and to find him bed with my best friend ended that. When Star came into my life I was just starting my career and she was looking for her place in life. We influenced each other in separate but rewarding ways. She showed me how to have fun and I showed her a life outside the hood. So when I saw her laying there screaming my man’s name, and on my silk sheets. I blacked out. All that was on my mind was to kill that hoe. But now I truly believe God took them out of my life to make room for the people I’m blessed to say are my friends and family.

  I look to my daughter and realize both twins will have a wonderful man to father them. My new family is lucky to have Derrick in our lives. Speaking of which, I wonder where my husband is, he’s going to beat himself up for missing the twins birth. Not to mention he doesn’t know they’re twins.

  "Where’s daddy little one," I whisper in my baby girl’s ear.

  A few minutes later the nurse walked in the room with a doctor from the ER. Congratulations begin flying from their mouths. The doctor proceeds to check the twins and me to make sure our vitals are stable; he also questions me on my mental state. Now my soul is trying to tell me something, bad thoughts invade my mind. The doctor senses the worry on my face and instructs my family members to leave the room. Before anyone makes a move, I stop and let everyone know it’s alright for them to stay. Soon as everyone settles back into their seats, I turn towards the doctor and nod.

  "Well, we have good news and bad news. We found your husband Derrick, he was involved in a car accident..."

  "Lord please let my husband be ok," I pray cutting the doctor.

  "As I was saying," the doctor continued sympathetically. “Your husband was in a very bad car accident. I’m sorry to say he did not survive......"

  "No, no, no, no, no, you must have the wrong guy please," I plead cutting the doctor off again. Tears start to fall down my face like a warm stream of water trying to navigate from one destination to another. My throat developed a huge lump and I couldn't speak. Mentally I couldn't think. Spiritually I couldn't pray, this cannot be happen
ing not when I just gave birth to our twins.

  "Doctor......what the hell is your name," I snapped losing my composure.

  "Doctor Cleveland or Doctor Cleve for short ma'am." He answers me without a flinch in his body language. He remains poise as he says, "the nurses will come get the twins and take them to the nursery so you can process the events that just took place."

  "I want to see my husband," I begin to sob. "Where is he, I need to see him now."

  "Baby girl you need to calm down you'll see him soon enough, but you need rest because giving birth takes a lot out of you." My mother preaches as she sniffles her nose. As I look to her and the rest of the faces around the room I notice everyone has shared in my grief and shed a few tears of their own.

  "I'll go and do some investigating to find as much information as I can," my mom says as she walks out the door holding tissue to her now pink eyes.

  My sister stands and walks over to where I’m lying and wraps her arms around me. We begin to sob together her body is keeping me warm because mines have turned ice cold. My soul is cold and numb to the pain that exist in my heart. I can't believe that God will finally send me a good man then take him away in an instant. I never thought I could feel pain worse than finding Marcus in the bed with my best friend. What's even worse is I never thought Derrick would be the one who would cause this pain.

  "Why him sis, tell me why my husband?" I began to cry out, the pain is being carried out through my voice and tears.

  "He didn't even make it to see our twins be born."

  My sister let go of me and began to wipe the tears away with some tissue she found on the night stand beside my hospital bed.

  "No, no, no, no this is all wrong they must have the wrong guy," I say as I push her arms away and try to get up out of the bed. Intense pain fill my body but I'm ignoring those humanly feelings because this is now a spiritual fight. I need to find my soul mate alive or me and the man upstairs will have a serious showdown between the two of us. My sister pins me down quickly and throws her body weight on me so I cannot budge.

  "Get off of me," my screams fill the air.

  "No you can't leave this bed damn it. Think about the twins you owe to them innocent babies to get health," my sister says trying to calm me down.

  Everything she is saying is wasteful because I have one thing on my mind and that's finding my husband. These damn doctors are wrong; they have no clue what they're talking about.

  "My husband can't be dead; we just got married and had twins. We are supposed to be starting a new life together as a family." I say giving up in defeat and lay back in the bed while I cry my eyes out.

  Tears slide down my face while leaving behind a trail of misery causing me to feel an unexplainable pain in my heart. My head pounds like someone turned the bass all the way up in my head. My soul just wants to escape but I'm confined to this body. I'm trapped in this room filled with misery and hauntings of the doctor saying my husband is dead.

  Thank God for my mom going to investigate because she found out that Derrick was going through an intersection when a car ran the red light. Both cars were totaled and both parties’ were critically injured. Derrick died on the way to the hospital.

  Ashley

  It's been three hours since I gave birth to the twins, Derrick Jr. and Desiree. It's also been three hours since I found out my husband passed away. I lost the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend, and all that other cliché bullshit they feed you.

  I sit up in the bed and stare off into space, my feelings are angry yet my heart is sad. I can't believe the way things have played out. I run my fingers through my matted hair trying to finger comb my tangled tresses. I gently start to massage my scalp trying to gain temporary relief from the events of today. I asked my family to go wait in the waiting room or to go home because I needed time to myself. Not only did I need sleep, but I wanted to process everything that has happened. I had no time to come up with a backup plan because I just gotten married. I’m in love with my husband. He rescued me from my own self-destruction. I did fell down and he picked me up and the pieces that fell with me. It would be easier if he had cheated or maybe it wouldn't. Anyways, I can’t go on without him. I’m pissed at God for taking him away, more pissed at him for leaving.

  "WHY ME, WHY HIM" I scream as loud as I can as I throw the pillow towards the wall. The burning tears form puddles in my eye sockets before they release themselves down the sides of my face. My heart starts racing with a small pain in my chest.

  "This is what heart break must feel like," I say to myself as I sob quietly in my hospital room. Memories start flowing through my mind of time spent with Derrick. One time he took me on a date to Toledo Botanical Gardens. It was towards the end of spring and everything was beautiful. The flowers were in full bloom and The Canada Geese left unpleasant poop surprises all over the pathways. My favorite part was the swan that sat in the middle of the pond; Derrick unofficially proposed in that moment.

  "Ashley you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever met. What's even better is how humble you carry yourself. I know we haven't had sex yet but I would never disrespect your body because you’re pregnant, so I’m willing to wait a lifetime to be with you fully. You have risen from the ashes of a foundation your ex burned down. Now I want to wash the ashes away with the past baby. I want to marry you and I hope one day you will say yes. Until then take my mother's engagement ring." He places the ring on my finger and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

  "Derrick..."

  "Ash, I don't want your answer today think about it while my baby in there cooking up." Derrick says cutting me off. He pulls me in and kisses my belly.

  The goose bumps are coming back from that date. I wish the twins could have met their amazing father. He is the best thing that has happened to us and I will honor him forever.

  Speaking of the twins I would love to see my babies now. I get up off the bed dragging my IV stands with me and I slowly walk to towards the door. Before I could open the door alarms go off and a lady's voice comes over the speaker.

  "Code Adam I repeat Code Adam, the hospital is now on lockdown. Doors will be...."

  The hospital went completely black and my heart begins to race again. My breathing becomes very difficult and my fear grows into panic.

  "What the FUCK is going on?" I scream loudly trying to get someone's attention.

  The lights come back on and I see a nurse rushing towards the doorway to my room where I’m standing in shock.

  "Ma'am as soon as I get any information I will let you know what's going on but I need you to stay in the room the hospital is on lockdown." The nurse says as she helps me to my bed.

  Just as I was lying back in my bed two police officers and the doctor that delivered my twins came rushing through the door.

  "Is this about my husband, you guys have more information," I ask hoping for answers.

  "No ma'am," the officer says walking towards me.

  "Then what," I ask feeling confused.

  "We called your family to come be with you at this moment in time." The doctor says walking towards me with a bottle of water setting it on my tray.

  "Alright what the fuck is going on now, TELL ME," I shout tossing the water bottle to the side. My panic has now developed into anger and everyone is a target.

  "I don't know how to say this in light of everything that has happened to you today. The reasons the alarms went off was because we had a breach in security in the nursery unit. During the blackout, which we suspect was not a coincidence, your son Derrick Jr. was taken."

  The world went black.

  Marcus

  “Does she know what is going on?” I overhear two voices speaking quietly. I try to sit up in the bed I’m lying in but some straps restrain my body. I frantically begin looking around to make sense of what’s going on.

  “Why am I in a hospital room?” I shout out to the doctor.

  “Calm down, you were experiencing some anxiety and passed out
. So your mother here rushed you to the hospital.” The tall doctor said as he approaches my bedside.

  “I’m not understanding why…”

  “Well you were processing too many thoughts and emotions at once,” the doctors says cutting me off. I look him over with anger.

  “Don’t cut me off,” I say with anger in my voice.

  “Sorry Ashley, it’s just that I was discussing your situation with your mother.”

  “That’s not my mother and my name isn’t Ashley,” I begin shouting as my struggle to break free begins.

  “Oh God it’s Marcus,” I hear the slightly chubby lady yell out.

  “Who are you and how do you know my name?” I ask with building anxiety.

  “Dr. Cleve she must’ve transitioned into Marcus. Marcus is the only one who doesn’t know about the Dissociative Identity Disorder. We need to get Dr. Coleman in here fast before some major damage is caused.” The chubby lady says as she joins the doctor by my side.

  “Lady what the fuck is you talking about?” I question the chubby lady as my effort to be freed are still going. My body begins to thrash effortlessly around in the bed trying to wiggle free. The doctor rushes to my bed side and begins pressing firmly on my shoulders.

  “Calm down Marcus, I’m just trying to help you. NURSE! Someone get Dr. Coleman on the phone as quickly as possible. Nurse we’re going to need to sedate her.” Dr. Coleman says as he grabs the needle from the nurse.

  He pokes me with the needle of an unknown substance and I feel a sharp pinch but immediately my body begins to relax. As my high begins to rise I notice the chubby lady walking towards me with a mirror. I look into the mirror and see my eyes trapped inside of my ex-girlfriend’s body.

  ____________

  “Ashley are you there?” Dr. Coleman calls out.

  “Yeah it’s me,” I say feeling anxious.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m ok,” I say as I turn my back to him and bury my face into my pillow.

  “Are the others present?”