Love Lost Read online

  I take the opportunity to run out of the room and quickly call for the police to come; I also call my mom to come and pick me up. As I sat in the snow waiting for the cops to come, Marcus and Star bring the drama outside to me.

  "Baby wait I did this so we could be together, you don’t need her I can be your woman. A real woman who knows how to bow down to her man," Stars says as she rolls her eyes at me.

  "Girl stop because a real woman doesn’t go behind a friend’s back to get to her man. She gets her own just like every other honest, real, and assured woman does," I fire back standing directly behind Marcus.

  "Marcus, forget about her and we can have a good life together," she pleads now on her knees in the snow with no clothes on except her panties and bra.

  "Bitch I made it clear, I don’t want anything to do with you. I want my baby who I love and would die for," he says and turns to face me.

  "I love you and don’t wanna ruin what we have for some nasty bitch who claimed to be your friend."

  "If you loved me and truly loved me than that wouldn’t have happened," I say pointing and waving my finger at Star.

  "Emphasis on the loved part, and I don’t wanna ruin my life…" I pause for effect. "Over some immature boy that claimed to be my man."

  "You ain’t listening to me Star," he calls me her name and I fall to my knees. No matter what scars I walk away with or what pain I’ll have to suffer with from the physical fight; nothing and I do mean nothing will compare to the emotional pain that just brought me to my knees. Sleeping with her and me finding them the way I did was one thing, but for him to call me by her name.

  "You dare call a duck a swan, do you even know the difference," I yell at him. My neighbors have spilled out of their homes to watch the live entertainment, which was my life.

  "What," he asks with a quizzical expression.

  "Let me dumb it down for you, why in the world would you confuse me with that bitch?"

  "No," he answers looking dumbfounded.

  "What give you the nerves to call me by her name after all that I have just seen?"

  He realizes his mistakes and tries to pick me up off the ground, I escape his grasp and I stand to my feet. The image of him having sex with my best friend snuck into my thoughts. My emotions fill with rage, I charge Star full speed and I jump on her. Left fist then right fist continuing in this pattern until Marcus pulls me off of her. I break down crying in the street and thankfully my mother pulls at the right time. Star is now hysterical and begins charging me at full force. Before I could react, she swings, hitting me in my face and knocking me to the ground. As luck would have the police are pulling up and saw her hit me. They jump out of the car immediately to arrest Star. My mom helps me to my feet and into the car.

  "You’re gonna regret everything you just did to my daughter you little bitch," my mom yells at Star who is now sitting in the back of the squad car.

  Ashley

  It’s now March three months since I found out about Star and Marcus. Rumor has it they’re together now and they’re living in the house I once shared with Marcus. My female cousins linked up to jump her at the house. But none of that filled the pain and hurt caused by the two people I trusted instead I lost two people I loved deeply; the worst part is I still love them both. I tried everything to make them feel the anguish. I’ve broken windows, slashed tires, and keyed his car but none of it worked. Why do people come up with stupid clichés like that if they’re only meant for telling a story? Tell me how to get rid of this pain and this void I’ve been trying to fill for years. How is it that when it comes to men in my life they don’t stick around or they just never show up. Tears have been falling from my eyes for three months, and after my eyes are done raining I found myself turning into the little girl being stood up on father’s day. A pain that I had forgotten about returns on top of being hurt by the one man I thought I could count on. But as history repeats itself I found myself with the same pain different man.

  "It’s going to be okay mommy is hurt now but she’ll find something that will work for us," I say as I rub my belly.

  After all the fighting and stress that came after the fight, I’m still pregnant six months to be exact. And every day this baby grows inside of me like the parasite it is, she reminds me of the scenario I saw when her dad was on top of my best friend.

  "Mommy just has to find a place to stay and move out of grandma’s house," I say sitting up in the bed.

  My mom has been letting me stay at her house until I figure out what my next move is. My sister’s sons bust in the room.

  “Aunt Shay what’s a lesbian,” the youngest one ask.

  In shock I say, "Brandon where did you hear that word from?"

  "I know what it means Aunt Shay," the oldest tells me.

  "And what might that be Ja’Vell," I question him scared of what the answer will be.

  "It’s people who don’t like meat," he says with a smile on his face. I let out a laugh that fills the room and the boys are both looking at me surprised.

  "Aunt Shay why you laughing," Brandon asks me with his thumb in his mouth.

  "Because both of you guys really make me happy even if you’re not trying. You shouldn’t say lesbian it’s a bad word. And people who don’t eat meat are vegetarians. If grandma hears you saying lesbian then she might whoop you guys," I tell the boys and then send them out of the room. He wasn’t completely wrong.

  Since I don’t have any clothes I can fit I’m going to the mall today so I can buy some maternity clothes. But first I need to call all my clients and tell them I’m back in business because I need to get my life together. My nephews just reminded me of what I have to live for and its growing everyday on the inside of me. And I think I’m going to call Michelle Basset for some lunch, I really enjoy her company and it keeps my mind off of what happened to me three months ago. I met her at the hotel Marcus and I booked for a romantic weekend on Valentine’s Day. Now we have become really good friends, she’s very positive and successful; most importantly we have a lot in common with each other.

  Star

  "Star," I hear Marcus call my name out.

  "Yes, babe I’m in the kitchen. Are you hungry," I ask him.

  I see Marcus appear in the doorway of the kitchen, a towel covers his waist. Water sits on his chest like beaded perspiration. I just want to lick his chest dry using my tongue as a towel. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist; my fingers gracefully glide up his body like an ice skater making shapes in the ice. Using his big hands, he grabs my arms firmly but comforting and then turns me around. My back is now in his chest and his arms wrap around me like a blanket trying to cover me. I initiate a side to side rocking motion like we’re two older folks two stepping on the dance floor. Feeling playful I turn around and tickle Marcus’ ribs; just like a big baby he falls to the ground. I don’t let up and wrestle around with him on the ground. He turns the table on me and flips me over and starts to tickle me back. Unable to breathe I manage to slip from his grasp and retreat to the living room.

  "Okay I give up," I shout from behind the couch.

  "Aight you can be the loser," he says walking up to me.

  I grab him by the head, pull him closer, and whisper in his ear, "I couldn’t be much of a loser I have you don’t I?"

  "Well since you have me, I need for you to go into the kitchen and whip up some breakfast," he says and slaps me on my ass to seal the deal.

  "Okay, anything special you want."

  "Nope just make it good. I’m bout to go up here and get dress."

  "Boy please everything I make is good. Where you going today?"

  "Taking you out shopping and I have a few things I need to pick up."

  "We going shopping," I squeal like a kid.

  "Yup," he answers as he runs up the stairs holding his towel.

  Three months ago I was scheming for is attention; now I have him all to myself. All I had to do was pretend to be someone’s best friend and then have a hug
e fight naked in the snow. I still won, I have my man and we live happily in the house they once shared. Ashley got all she deserves, which is nothing. She lives with her mother now and from the rumors I heard she hasn’t been doing well at all. I know from reliable sources that she hasn’t been to work I three months and haven’t stepped a foot outside. Poor thing should have stayed out of the way because what Star wants, Star gets. For the past three months I have been helping Marcus get over Ashley step by step and in that time we have grown very close. Now we go shopping all the time, we take romantic dates, and great sex.

  "Ashley," I hear Marcus say my name followed with a sharp blow to my face. I sit up in the bed and rub my face, hoping I can rub the pain away.

  "It ain’t time for you to be sleeping. Remember what I said you do what I say when I say. Next time I catch you sleeping and I ain’t give you permission to do so you’re going to get a lot more than a slap to the face," Marcus says while grabbing a hand full of my hair.

  I hate the idea of dreaming up a good life with Marcus but that’s all I can to myself. Truth is told I made a big mistake in trying to ruin Ashley’s relationship with Marcus. For the past three months I have been beat, kicked, thrown through walls, forced to have constant sex, and sell my body. Marcus threatened if I leave him, he would kill me and send my body through the mail. To prove to me he wasn’t lying he stabbed me in the side and dared me to say it was him. I regret every bad thing in life that I have ever done if I had to take it all back just to find a way out than I would.

  Ashley

  It has been officially four months since I caught Marcus in the bed with Star. Last month, I met a really nice guy who works at the county jail as a corrections officer. I explained to him that I was pregnant and recently just got out of a long term relationship; he was really cool about everything. So I kept talking with him and then we start going on dates and now we can’t be separated. He is very handsome with his caramel skin, wavy hair, straight teeth, and he always smells good. The other day he brought me eleven white roses and one red rose directly in the middle. He told me the one red rose represents the start of our relationship and the white rose represents his pure intentions for friendship. The best thing is my mother has already met him and loves his personality.

  "Baby girl how is Derrick," my mother asks.

  "He’s fine, as a matter of fact we’re going out to dinner tonight."

  "That’s good I’m glad you have someone to take your mind off of things. But I really wanted to talk to you about how you were feeling."

  "What about it," I ask.

  "What are you going to do about the baby? I’ve been watching you for a long time and you have made no connection at all with the baby. So are you going to give it up for adoption?"

  "No mom I plan on keeping it. I just don’t want to get close to it, this is Marcus’ baby and I really can’t force myself to love it yet?"

  "And why not, it maybe Marcus’ child but the baby is also yours. Let me tell you a story about your father…"

  "Mom you have told me all the possible stories of that man," I say as I cut her off.

  "Don’t cut me off again or you’ll be picking your face up off the ground. Now as I was saying your father left when your sister was a baby and you were four. I resented you two for about three days and then I had to snap back into reality; someone had to take care of you guys and bills were due. So I sucked it up and went on with my life, working two jobs for seven days a week. But I didn’t complain because you girls went to private school and had plenty of things I could only dream about at that age."

  "Mommy I’m not as strong as you, I don’t think I can do it."

  "Girl hush you were not raised like that. I raised both my girls to be independent women, now the other one obviously didn’t listen to me. So all I have is you to make me proud and give me a grandchild that I don’t have to be a mother and a grandmother to."

  "I know mom, I’m sorry but I’m just very scared. I really don’t want to disappoint you; I just don’t want to raise this child to be like Marcus. I mean this baby has the same genes as that no good lying dog."

  "I knew you were going to say that, have you ever heard of failure to thrive," my mom asks.

  "No," I say as I shake my head side to side.

  "Well they need volunteers to help with babies at the hospital, and I signed you up. It’ll be good for you to help out with other babies that are less fortunate. These babies come from place where they’re not getting enough from the parents and they’re all in poor health. They don’t expect anything from anyone so they usually end up just lying there and they don’t cry at all. I was hoping that if you volunteered to help with these babies, you’ll be able to see what a blessing you have inside of you."

  "Mom I wish you would have talked to me first," I say with an attitude. Truth is I don’t want to take care of this baby let alone help out with a baby whose parent was too careless to even love them.

  "That’s the point if you don’t change your attitude about my grandchild, then this innocent baby is going to end up just like those babies."

  "But my situation is different, his or her dad really hurt me and this baby is an accident."

  "This baby is innocent to the situation. That baby didn’t ask to be here that was your reckless fault. My grandchild will not suffer from the sins and mistake of his no good daddy and his ignorant ass mother. Excuse my language," my mother says as she straightens her posture.

  "Mom I can’t raise a baby not like this, not now."

  "Girl shut up if you weren’t out here trying to do what married people do than you wouldn’t be in this situation. But you did and you are, trust me the good Lord never gives you too much to handle and he always has your back. So get your act together because I will be darn if my grandchild grows up suffering."

  "Okay mom I’ll do it but if I don’t like it I will stop. I don’t know what would possess you to sign me up to volunteer, but I will put on my happy face and go."

  I sit in the living room soaking in the conversation with my mother. Does she really think I could be a bad mother? She hasn’t even given me a chance to try; I’m just going to have to prove her wrong on this one.

  Star

  If only I could run away while he was away, but he will hunt me down like wild turkey. He tells me over and over after all the pain I have caused, he will literally kill me. His intentions are to keep me in this house to suffer. When his friends come over my instructions are to get really sexy then go upstairs lie naked in bed and wait to be fucked by his company. On days when he likes making a quick dollar he forces me to prostitute with men who are desperately seeking a sex partner.

  I can hear the lies people are saying and the hurtful things they think. I know what I did was wrong I was just trying to consider number one, and that’s me. I grew up on the north side of Toledo and I took care of myself. While my mother was out smoking crack and my dad was living his own life, I was hustling on the streets. When I was twelve I got involved with a known streets hustler. He kept food in the fridge and I kept a smile on his face. Our relationship didn’t become public until I turned seventeen years old and he became twenty five. It was then he would openly take me to the mall or to dinner. Everyone in the streets called him Mookie, and I was his lady.

  Things were great between Mookie and me, he even taught me to have great sex. But like every other hood rich thug, his good run came to an end. The police raided the house and broke my arm in the process. Mookie was put away for six years but I heard he was killed by a rival gang member in the prison yard. It was then I decided to use what Mookie had taught me to live the life he had shown me.

  Right after Mookie was locked up I got a gig at a strip club. I took the stage name Afrika, but the guys liked to call me Candy Coated Barbie because I always had on candy covered lingerie when I performed. If they tipped me high enough than they could have a bite; there was a time when a man paid to eat me out on stage. His wish was my every command, it wa
s embarrassing for me. And I faked the orgasm just to keep a happy customer.

  After I started stripping, about a year later, is when I ran into Marcus. I knew if I wanted to keep my lifestyle up he was going to be mines. Now here I’m regretting every life decision I ever made. I really cannot continue on like this, I have to start planning my escape because if I stay I will surely die by Marcus’ hands.

  Ashley

  The air is warm, and it’s a beautiful summer day and the park is full of life. July has always been my favorite month although it’s usually scorching hot outside; I think the universe is working in my favor. I’ll be celebrating my birthday in one week on the twenty eighth, while chilling at my new house. Can’t believe I made it to see the age twenty six. After having a talk with my mom, I realized she was right. If I was going to bring in my daughter into this world, then a lot has to change.

  First I got my business back and running. After three long days of being on the phone I let all my clients know the business was back and coming full force. Since June I have been planning all types of parties and my leave of absence allowed me to tap into a creativity I didn’t know I had. My clientele has increased and I’ve picked up more exclusive clients. While my business was growing, I decided to go ahead and volunteer with the babies.

  The babies were life changing and emotionally draining, but I kept at it because the babies gave me a chance to count my own blessings. My child would never have to go through what all of those babies did. None of them expected anything out of this world, so they almost never cried to let us know what they wanted or needed. At first I was confused on how a baby could want for nothing, but I learned that at an early age these babies understand you can’t miss what you never had.

  While working with the babies was rewarding, going on dates with Derrick has been a true blessing. Derrick has truly gotten me through the worse time of my life, grieving a dead relationship is like grieving a deceased family member. I really only miss the relationship, I was over Marcus three months ago. How can I love someone who has made the worst mistakes ever? Not to mention being a secret drug king pin. I’ve kept that secret to myself, ever since my meeting with the detective. Mainly because I was embarrassed at the time.